My jeweler friend made a successful business trip to Geneve, and bought diamonds and pearls. Not for me ; ).
But I received a surprise gift - a box of Swiss chocolates!
My post today is about instant gratification, something I myself am hooked in; something I find craved for in daily blog posts as well.
I have been pondering on this subject lately. Is instant gratification " the thing " of today, or has it started to be one, only during the few past years? Does it have anything to do with one´s geographical whereabouts?
Has instant gratification become a way to handle our emotions? When we feel high/ low, is gratification the way to handle our feelings?
When we feel happy, is that happy feeling not enough, must we increase the emotion with adding a bit more to it? Perhaps by opening a bottle of champagne?
When we feel sad and weary, is it impossible to survive with the feeling of greave, without getting a bit of comfort by immediately having a box of chocolates, or going shopping?
I can only speak about myself. I have always found it difficult to accept a compliment of any kind. I know the reason for it, and am trying hard to change my behavior, so that I honestly could be able to accept a true compliment. I have no reason to increase the high feeling with a glass of champagne.
I admit ( not fully out of it yet ), that not being able to face sorrow and dullness, I have tried to comfort myself with buying this and that.
What a waste of time and money!
I used to buy at least something: small, insignificant pieces of stuff, to push my sadness away.
All this worked, but only for a small time. It was not a resolution to my problems, which I learned later on.
All my life, I have suffered from anxiety. I am an impatient person. If I wish to have something, I don´t have the patience to wait for things to happen; I hurry, and make them happen as soon as possible.
This might be a part of my anxiety syndrome.
What I have learned, through years of therapy, is that " instant, immediate gratification ", is not a solution to my problems.
We should all realize and accept the fact, that a certain amount anxiety and happiness, is a normal part of human life, and that the emotions are meaningful. We should be able to accept even the difficult emotions, listen to them, stand them, and when the time is right, just let go of them.
Perhaps the modern society, our modern way of life, has made us forget this. Especially, feeling " down " is not accepted, it is even denied.
Lots of people don´t want to be involved with depressed people.
We should always feel happy, energetic and high.
Okay, I admit, happy people are fun to be with, but I wish to communicate with all kinds of people. Young and old, happy and sad people.
I believe that facing a new day, sober and eager to study my own emotions, is a day worth living.
Please share your thoughts!
In the meanwhile, I´m wishing you a great weekend! /m
17 kommenttia:
Lots to think about here. I really enjoy the anticipation of things so instant gratification isn't on my radar. That doesn't mean I don't use other tools to escape bad feelings from time to time - mainly immersing myself in a good book.
Speaking of reading, here's something I came across recently. Not exactly on topic but related.
Wanting is suffering
Acceptance is peace
Darla
Instant gratification is a problem in today's world. I feel my problem though is primarily in getting swept by the current of bad consumer habits: in a sense of how much or how many things one really needs. Being bombarded all the time by adds, media etc. filling our heads with new gadgets and shiny items it's easy to loose track of sensible and rational
Great topic, and as always you attack it with such thoughtfulness and honesty.
I go through phases where I'm more likely to seek instant gratification, (often to alleviate boredom!) but I find having something more long-term on my radar to look forward to helps keep my impulses in check. I've recently been fortifying/replacing some of my core wardrobe items and have overspend a little bit in the last couple of months, so will be putting on the brakes now for probably the next 6 months.
Such a brilliant and enlightening post, Mette. I too suffer from a fair amount of anxiety, and can also be moody. I think our emotions our telling us something, and I don't think it's necessary or even optimal, to try to push those feelings away, and "get happy". Personally, I find it a shallow way of living. And yes, instant gratification, whether shopping, food, alcohol, etc. is a momentary "drug" to help alleviate the discomfort.
But I believe that often discomfort leads to growth, and I hope I continue to grow and move forward throughout my life. Thank you for your honesty, so appreciated.
Mette, what a thoughtful and interesting post (I hope you did enjoy the lovely chocolates while you were writing it!)
More seriously, I don't think that instant gratification is necessarily a phenomenon of modern society. If you have been around toddlers, you know that they are all about instant gratification: if I tell my four-year-old that he can't watch a video until he picks up his toys or that he can't have dessert before he has his meal, you would think I was threatening him with bodily harm. And I think this is probably a universal thing for children and always has been; there is a lot of research on how their brains really are different from adults and I suspect this is something that has been around from the dawn of time.
What I think is different and new is that Western (by that I mean, US, Europe, Australia, etc.) society fetishizes youth. We are not encouraged to grow up, to lose those traits that are cute in four-year-olds but which do not translate well into adulthood. We are supposed to be perpetually youthful, never to look our age, or, I daresay, behave it.
Couple this with a huge increase in consumerism for various economic reasons (food and clothing are vastly cheaper, people can yearn for and actually GET things that would have been impossible to previous generations - if you have ever read a Victorian novel where an orange is a huge novelty for the kids in London, that is what I am trying to express) and you have a very pernicious situation in which so many people believe that the key to happiness is having all the material goods, no waiting, and that having it all is actually the best goal in life.
Such a thoughtful and interesting post, and many thoughtful replies too. I can remember reading somewhere that the most definite marker for how successful a child will grow up to be is his ability to delay gratification - more important than educational opportunity or family background.
Certainly like you I have been guilty of buying 'this or that' to cheer myself up in the past, perhaps not even realising that was what I was doing. There is a strong link I think here to clutter and hoarding, a sort of comfort derived from getting and spending which can spill into madness. As far as I can see for me the answer is to TRY to be mindful, then purchases wont be made (or things eaten!) when just sitting with more difficult emotions might be more profitable. That's the idea, anyway! xxx
I would not describe myself as particularly anxious but I do get grumpy once in awhile and recently had a patch of time where I was rather sad. It's an uncomfortable feeling for me as I tend to be a happy optimist.
To relieve my funk I did go shopping! I bought flowers and some new clothes and they have perked me up.
I think the weather has been affecting my mood and the fact that I am celebrating my birthday and thinking about aging!
I must commend you on your thought provoking post topics as ever you are a strong voice in the blogosphere.
Very deep topics you have introduced, Mette, and some deep comments as well.
I think my impatience for things is colored by the immediacy of modern media and the intense marketing that surrounds us.
Do we feel if we don't get it right away, then we won't get it at all? I try to watch that in myself, and instill the idea of waiting in my kids. They always had to wait for the end of the grocery trip at home to have the cookie--not eating it in the store. Yes, I think that is important. As an adult, balance is important. Neither spartan denial nor unwise excess which can create its own stress.
Agree, no need to be always up, and on another note, social. I love going for walks by myself, knitting, reading or working in my yard on my own. Some of that is just the makeup of the person as an introvert, being pensive, not actually depressed. If we grew up with a parent of a more extroverted nature (as I did) that might not have been encouraged the way it should have been, and would have been labeled depression when it wasn't. Recently read and enjoyed a book by Susan Cain called Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking.
It has helped me to receive compliments to think that when I personally give compliments they are sincere. So I have to trust the other person is as well. Your posts are unusually thoughtful, and I always enjoy reading them.
I applaud your willingness to accept even sad people. My bad habit serves my instand gratification needs. It lifts me when I feel down and calms me when I feel too excited.
Darla, your comment reveals, that you trust people.
Not trying to be an analyst ( as I´m not ), I think that your life has been smooth.
And- a book is not a bad choice to escape bad feelings, if you are able to concentrate on reading.
Doing something physical is another option, if you are able to do it.
Good quote!
Higher abstractions or elevated thoughts.. I find it very hard to discuss these thoughts.
BTW the only instant gratification I have is chocolate..so I try to never have it in the house.
Darla's 'Wanting is suffering' could almost be my motto...I deny myself things ',clothes,shoes etc!
Maybe because I have never known lack.
Mette you have given me much to mull over this w/e. Ida
Ana, true, that´s the first thing that comes to my mind too. But is our instant need for gratification only to be blamed by the swift market men?
Susan, thank you for your nice words: ).
Shopping to avoid boredom, I´m familiar with that too.
I´m just wondering how easy/difficult it is, to change one´s shopping habits. For me, very difficult.
Kathy, I love the part " discomfort leads to growth " in your comment. It sounds as good as realizing, that jealousy is not a bad thing at all, if it will motivate you to find means to find ways to get " that something you covet " yourself.
Absolutely, all emotions are significant, if only we had the courage to meet them!!
MTH, thanks: ), actually I took the chocolates to Dr. M´s, when I visited her yesterday, so they were
shared. I was able to avoid the instant gratification for once ; ).
I read your comment with interest, and so true about toddlers, a short wait seems like forever to them, as it is. Some parents somehow manage to stretch ( " train " the toddler´s wait ) for awhile.
This was common in my childhood too.
Is/was it a good thing? For me no, as now as an adult, I don´t have the patience at all. But maybe it is just me..
BTW, in the early sixties, bananas were exotic in our part of the world, they were available only for a short period of the year, our Victorian era ; ).
And you have a point about the admiring of the youth. Any kind of behavior, it seems, is accepted these days, despite the age we are. No age- appropriate dressing either, if I may add.
Times have changed rapidly, we really want everything all right now!
Mrs. Exeter, what an interesting thing, you read! It needs a lot of self-control and guidance from the parents side, if it is not an in-built system.
And, yes, the collecting, the hoarding. People buying stuff with the labels still on the clothes in the wardrobe after months from the purchase.
I´m guilty of this too, why else would I have needed to declutter for ages to reach the point, where I am today: 6 pairs of shoes+ wellies and riding boots?
Leslie, is a happy optimist something, you wish to be, or is it something, that as been expected from you from the very start?
Trying always to push the grump farther, does not make it disappear. Perhaps you should at least once try to face the sadness, and see what happens? Talking about your feelings might help.
Thank you for your honesty : ).
Patricia, thank you so much for your loyalty!
It is true, marketing today is fast, if you won´t react immediately, the " thing " won´t be there the next day.
As an example, I just noticed this today, checking an online shop. The skirt no longer existed on the site!
You have succeeded well with your children and seem to have a healthy attitude towards consumerism.
I too enjoy to spend time on myself. It feels only natural, having been the only child, with only my imagination as my companion. I do enjoy the company of others, but have no need to always socialize with others.
As to compliments, I try to tell myself, that refusing one, would be rude to giver, and so I struggle ; )!
Terri, no need for applauding. We all feel sad at times. And what better way to get the pain off your chest, than to share your worries with someone else.
Talking and writing - in my case - writing this blog helps a lot!
Dear Ida, oh my, I did not mean to spoil your weekend!
True, avoiding " the whatever ", is easier, if you won´t have access to it.
I know, that I should avoid shops of any kind, though " I never actually go shopping " ( which could be my motto ) ; ).
But what do you mean by writing, that you have never had the lack?
When I think of that, I dare say, that few of us have ever lacked a pair of shoes, etc..
Maybe you meant something else?
I agree with you that we need to accept the fact that a certain amount anxiety in life is normal. But in this "I want it now" culture we live in we have indeed lost sight that pure bliss is not a constant companion. I think we need to get in tune with our emotions and let them help us understand ourselves and others better, learn from it. Yes, letting go is so important. I am not a big worrier, because most of it is outside of our control. Thanks for a very nice post!
You certainly have not spoilt my w/e just given me much to ponder on.
I have never lacked for material things owing to a privileged background....I think I have shared my family situation with you....so maybe denying myself is a sort of punishment the opposite of instant gratification?
Gosh I dislike the word 'privilege' Ida
Sanda, and thank you for a very nice comment. I could not agree more on what you wrote!
Ida, please don´t deny yourself the nice things life offers you. They are your´s to have. I too dislike the word " privileged ", as in the same breath, I feel like I should apologize for being privileged.
Life is not fair for everyone. Sad, but true.
I am sorry that you suffer from anxiety. As for instant gratification, I'm finding it hard to wait to hear about my admission status. I keep checking the web site but that doesn't do anything. Hopefully it won't take longer than a couple more weeks for the decision.
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